I recall when I was younger, and still, the same today, women would say 'I am looking for a man with a sense of humor.' Perhaps, I do not have one for the possibility bores me. In truth, it concerns me. I think it offensive to laugh at others, or at the expense of others. Sadly, more often than not, these are the dynamics involved in what people think hilarious.
I want to share with serious spirits, persons of substance. I long for a reciprocal reverence. Rarely, what passes for humor is an homage to humankind. The sacrifice of any entity, I believe scars the soul. Thus, on this the day of April 1 I offer no jest. I share what for me is profound. It is not that I object to laughter. I subscribe to the words of Horace Walpole.
For those who feel, life is a tragedy.
~ Horace Walpole [Father of Gothic Novels, Member of Parliament]
Days ago, persons within the cyberspace community were speaking of depression. Some seemed anointed with the responsibility of speaking for the few, those that suffered from this affliction. I thought that odd, for I believe if we are living and breathing we have experienced days, weeks, months, and years on end when we have felt down, often with reason. Psychologist Abraham Maslow, a man whom I consider to be self-actualizing, by his own definition, suffered this misery as do all I ever encountered. Maslow wrote . . .
“During all my first twenty years, I was depressed, terribly unhappy, lonely, isolated (and self-rejecting).”
~ Abraham Maslow
Ah, so too was I. While life improved in my thirties, I still struggled with my own insecurities. These manifested in many ways.
“I was awfully curious to find out why I didn't go insane.”
~ Abraham Maslow
I rarely felt as though I might achieve as others were or had before me. It seemed to me, everyone, each entity was perfect. Surely, I was the only flawed being.
“The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.”
~ Abraham Maslow
Fearful of my own failure or successes, I am still uncertain which frightens me more. I moved from one vision of myself to another. I did not wish to stumble; nor did I think to soar.
“We fear to know the fearsome and unsavory aspects of ourselves, but we fear even more to know the godlike in ourselves”
~ Abraham Maslow
I took professional positions and was given exemplary reviews. Yet, I held back, perhaps, not wanting to be noticed. I do not seek a spotlight. Perchance, my reticence may have not been related to achieving within my supposed chosen career. It may be that although I was pursuing passionately, I was not following my deepest pleasure.
“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.”
~ Abraham Maslow
I thought having left my twenties behind, I was happy. However, there was still an element or two missing. No one noticed, not even I, or at least I pretended to be unaware. I was content and comfortable. I saw no reason to change. Life was good. I loved my home, my community, the workplace I adopted. I adapted to it all. I certainly was living in the moment.
“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”
~ Abraham Maslow
However, I remained haunted. I was not growing as I might. Some may say I was secure, though stagnant. I was active physically and mentally. Emotionally I was developing beyond my wildest dreams. Yet, as I remained centered, I was not confident. Had I chosen complete and total wellness? Was I actually the living breathing being I could or craved to be?
“All the evidence that we have indicates that it is reasonable to assume in practically every human being,
and certainly in almost every newborn baby, that there is an active will toward health,
an impulse towards growth, or towards the actualization”
~ Abraham Maslow
Deep within me, I knew I was not what I wanted to be or might be. I have long believed that ever individual is good, even golden; still, they let life and self beat them down and up. We are bruised when we do not honor the gifts we are given at birth.
“The fact is that people are good, if only their fundamental wishes are satisfied, their wish for affection and security.
Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.”
~ Abraham Maslow
Affection and appreciation, I never gave these gifts to me. Now, it is time. I yearn to learn, to choose awareness, attentiveness, and an admiration for me. Rewards from others will not suffice. Suggestions of what is best for me cannot come from those outside my heart, mind, body, or soul. As much as another might think they know me, they only understand their perception of me. That, possibly, is a projection of them selves. If I am to find my fulfillment I must acknowledge and accept . . .
“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
~ Abraham Maslow
Dearest Abraham, you have been my mentor for as long as I can remember. On this, the anniversary of your birth you honor me again. I hope to show you reverence. I value your teachings, realizations, reflections, and truthfully, I appreciate that life taught you; thus, you are making possible my growth.
Theories Realized and Referenced . . .
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